Sunday came and gave me another 6 hours on the road to think life over. I like driving. I like being alone and occupied but having the freedom to let the mind wander - turn up the heat on all those things relegated to the back burner for so long.
Now that I'm thinking it through - what's so wrong with lonely? Why can't we admit our dependence on others? Why so much pride? Lonely in this day and age is weak, lonely is sad. Its needy. No one wants to be needy. Was lonely always this way?
I think you can be lonely in a healthy way, if you know what you're doing. Sure, there's unhealthy loneliness, but lonely and healthy are by no means mutually exclusive.
In any case I've had enough of married people weighing in on singleness, pretty much for the rest of my life. There are precious few people I know of that have been single longer than me and are thereby qualified to advise me on the matter. And apparently there are plenty of married people ready to advise me in the absence of more qualified individuals.
I have a lot more to say on the subject and hope to find the time and inspiration tomorrow. I simply don't have the energy to put it into type tonight. A depressing day at work after a depressing weekend and I'm feeling empty before Tuesday arrives.
They say depression is just anger without the enthusiasm, and tonight I couldn't agree more. If I had the vim, I know I'd be stewing right now. But its been sucked out of me. I've always believed that anger is a sign of weakness - nothing makes you angry, only you can let yourself be that way. Now I'm realizing depression is the same way. Just without the same vitality.
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"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."