I like to say/think that I don't get stressed out.

I learned early on in life that stress is an external thing - you control how much of it you choose to take on. And being able to handle a lot of it isn't necessarily something to brag about.

So, I wouldn't say I've been stressed lately, but there is definitely a lot on the plate. I guess that's just how we live here in metropolis, but lately its been different.

Doing my job and half of my boss' job, trying to find a new job, making sure its the right one, wondering if I should be back in school instead of prolonging the magic where I am now, wondering what I want to go back to school for (read: commit the next 10 years of my life to), trying to read and write a lot more, giving a half-decent lesson on Sundays, accountability, personal growth, petty health issues, forgetting how to sleep...it feels like its all adding up.

I feel like I need summer to get here, and I hate that I feel that way. This happens in the second half of the school year. When you work with kids you still operate, on some level, on a school year mind-set, which is NICE. Anyway, second half you always seem to be running the razor edge of burnout. In the Fall, you know the feeling is coming, you just don't know how to prevent it. But to live for the future is a horrible thing (in the temporal, not spiritually eternal sense...you know what I mean). I hate that. I need to love now, and maximize it.

I think I'm learning a lot about sharing things with other people. I've never really done that before and the blog and some of the groups I've been in have encouraged me to open up. I think its going to teach me a lot about the balance of trust and love - understanding how to realistically balance the two. That's a huge concept for much deeper reflection at a later time.

Sorry for the personal journal post - I've been trying to avoid them lately, or at least throw some decent thought material into them. Tonight's theme is just letting the horse have its reigns, I guess. Its all galloped out now, though.

Hoping to put up a post worthy of submission to Christian Carnival tomorrow, if I can find the time. Didn't last week.

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