(The air conditioning just shut down for the evening here at work and they typing on the keyboard just got astoundingly louder.)
Maybe it will be political, maybe artsy (doubt it), maybe I'll be famous in some other venue and the bloggership will be the core fans. I want to link to cool stuff and cool people that will make the readers think I must be extra cool for finding this stuff before they did. I want to be on the cutting edge, wherever that is. Not one of the people who are just getting there when it starts to tear more than it does cut. I want to have cool software designed just for blog publishing, host it from my home, have a massive server. Post sound files, host my own pictures, have years and years of drivelous archives. And I want it all to be good stuff.
And I want a roll of $100 bills and something young and blond (and Calvinistic and with a razor sense of humor and about a million other qualifications). Point is, most of these things will probably remain in the wants category. But that's ok.
I just broke the 6pm rule I've been pretty good at keeping here. Trying to leave before 6pm, if only for a couple weeks in the middle of the summer. Because Fall is coming (you can't stop it, I already tried), and that means I'll be working ridiculous hours again, weekends between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and generally hating life (as opposed to the rest of the year, when I only hate work, because I can reasonably contain it). In four years since college, I still have disdainfully abstained from actually figuring out what I make per hour. I know it will make me cry if I ever do. Or freak out and start destroying walls and stuff.
Haha, just kidding, FDS admin in Cincinnati, who is reading my blog to see what I've been doing with my time at work. Here's a hint, buddy - I've been working my arse off, which hasn't been easy, because it has grown quite beyond where it should be since I spend most of my life in this chair instead of out there, doing active stuff, out in the real world. Note the time this post published at, if you don't believe me. Then kick yourself when you realize I could easily change the html that would tell you what time I wrote it at, and there's no way to tell what was actually published from work or not. Haha.
Excerpts from an email I wrote to a friend this afternoon, wherein I wrote some stuff that I meant to blog anyway:
"...despite the total insipidity (there's your non-mississippi 4-i word for the day) of this place, i find in me an almost incredible work-ethic this week, so i've found no time to do anything beyond the job at this point..."
This post of course changes that, just a little bit. Tomorrow will, by nature, be horrible, work-wise, and I'll lose another one of the cherished Friday-afternoons-off-that-we-like-to-think-we-have-but-don't-really-take.
"...i've been single for over 4 years...i'm not saying i feel bad about it, i'm fine with it. its just a totally different state of being than most people are in. kind of something i have to get out there before people can understand me. like being from Russia or something. i have to explain that i'm from Russia, so its ok not to understand me..."
but if you're going to understand me, you're going to have to understand Russia first.
"...except its different. people think they can understand you, because its not like a language barrier or geographical divide. but at the end of the day, you're from a different state of being, and you know they only think they understand..."
Don't get me wrong, I'm not making the rather ignorant jump to say I know what it feels like to be a Russian in America (though I have been an American in Mexico, which helps, kind of). I'm speculating. Point of it is, I've come to realize that we live in a world of couples. People couple, that's what they do. If you don't couple, you slowly become more and more abnormal. Not in the bad sense of the word, necessarily (although I suppose that is very often the case). But think about it - how many older, very cool people do you know who have always been single?
And I don't have to jump or speculate or suppose in any manner to know that couples live in a different world with a different language. Your life totally changes once you've been coupled off. I probably have no idea what an understatement that is, I'm sure. I don't pretend to know their language because I've never been to the State of Couplehood, I've only kind of taken some day-hikes near its borders to get a view. Strangely, people from that State seem to think that they can communicate quite effectively with people from the Single Nation, because they once used to live there, too (albeit many of them only briefly as adults, if at all). And, they are sometimes accurate, I grant. But they don't live here anymore. They don't drink Single coffee while reading the Daily Singleville Post. They don't drive in the Singles-only lane and see the Single billboards on their way to Singlecorp. And they don't come home at night to a Single-bedroom apartment and watch Singlevision. They live in another world. And they very often lose their vernacular. Because they are normal.
None of this is bad, being single, being coupled (normalcy is relative and dependent). It can all be good, in the right context. That's the hard neutral that many people, coupled or single, can't seem to find, quite often. Many coupled people, deep down, feel there's something wrong with not being coupled. So do many single people. I'd guess the next largest group would be those singles who don't (at their core) feel it odd to not be coupled, followed last by couples of the same persuasion. The last two may be swapped, I don't know.
I just hope that someday, if I have been coupled, that I remember this and have some respect for the 2 nations, especially those on the other side of the divide. I hope I don't forget, and lose my ability to communicate effectively.
There is not some subtle Single-National-Pride going on here. Heck, I've already made the concession that I may change nationalities some day. I'm just calling em how I see em.
So this was all supposed to be about plans, and i got off on a Single subject I wasn't intending to type nearly so much about. I figured that last time I declared some plans, I felt a great weight to live up to them, a debt to my bloggership. So I hereby declare:
- an updated template (the promise we didn't live up to after the last election, or something)
- an alternate photoblog, or something. our short, torrid affair with imagestation has come to a bitter, weeping end. I tried to work things out but she wrote us a dear john letter. Want to find some good hosting that I can just link pictures here to. Maybe I won't actually come up with this, I'll just host them on my home comp and insert them in posts, without links. We'll see.
- a list (linked page, more likely) of historical and planned reads, also something of similar nature for music and movies.
- other miscellaneous improvements.
- or none of the above. It may not happen. I don't owe you anything. Its not like we're Coupled.