In the course of my regular internets trolling, I recently came across the Harry Potter Legal Age Countdown Clock. Why anyone would be so obsessed with that pasty-white bad-haired pansy is beyond me. But it got me thinking. Why isn't there an Hermione Granger countdown clock?

Now before you chastise me for pedophilia, I strongly suggest you see the movie Beautiful Girls. Ok, that just didn't sound...right, but seriously, see the movie. In it you have the 30-ish Timothy Hutton beerily toying with the idea of waiting around for a few years to pursue a relationship with the 15-ish (and incredibly astute for her age) Natalie Portman. Me, I'm not even close to 30 yet, and Emma, she's like...what, 15? So...yeah. Frown on it now, but its not such a bad thing when I'm 45 and she's 30, right? Not even close to Larry King proportions.

And so, Keira Knightly, the gauntlet is thrown down. You have approximately 880 days to wed me, otherwise I bequeath the honor to Emma, who, while debateably of slightly lesser beauty than yourself, will always be younger than you.