...meaninglessness does not come from being weary of pain; meaninglessness
comes from being weary of pleasure. And that is why we find ourselves emptied of
meaning with our pantries still full. - Ravi Zacharias
Sitting in the pre-Super Bowl silence of the pad on a Sunday night - well, the silence that is b-sides of old U2 and Badly Drawn Boy and Van Morrison and whatever else the vast repository that is the home computer may decide to produce. Roommate is having a dozen or so people over for the game - Sunday night is about the last time I feel like being social these weeks, but hey - its the Super Bowl. Should be super - not being able to hear the game or ads over the din of the party, not to mention being generally alone while surrounded by people. Which is a state I'm fairly accustomed to, but do not enjoy so much in the sanctuary of the place that I live in.
Especially not up for it after a weekend where I was out Saturday and most of today for our winter youth leaders' planning retreat. It was good, but not exactly restful. I'm going to need next weekend, when it finally gets here.
Especially not up for it after this past week at work - its getting tough and while I'm certainly capable of delivering an excellent production, I've lost motivation. Doesn't mean I won't produce - my deeply instilled work ethic is more than enough to force that out of me, but there's just no zest in the formula at this point. I'm tired of business traveller hotels with their sandpaper towels, smoked-in rental cars that I'm too tired to exchange, dealing with masses of people who don't understand basic air travel etiquette, and having to find food at night when I'm in the office past when everything's closed.
I'm even more tired of my own whining. This week I've resolved to go back and find the last time that I wrote a positive post about something, anything, and then write about the difference between where I was then, and where I am now. I don't expect to remedy all matters, but at least force some reflection. Its not that things are all that bad right now anyhow - I still have a steady job at a great company, and love the church and youth group and friends I've been blessed with in the city that I love living in. Regardless of any need I may feel for change, I need to drop this habit of complaint I've weakened into. I didn't used to do that.
Pause for laundry and finishing the packing.
Billy Joel's singing the Anthem. Troops at attention in Bhagdad. Two African American coaches in the big game. Thunderbirds by night, 9g's in the tropical rain. Live, around the world, in 176 countries.